I never would have imagined that I would be so crazy as to attempt an unassisted childbirth with only my husband in attendance. But through months of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical preparation - the actual labor and birth was one of the choicest experiences in my life.
The decision to have an unassisted home birth was not an easy one. It was years ago - when researching the outlandishness of home birth itself - that I came upon a website of a woman that called herself a birth junkie and had had 9 kids. She wrote of her experience and the relative ease of her labor and delivery. I admired her courage and her faith in her body to function the way it was meant to, as God created it to be.
But, for me, at that time, it was extreme enough to decide not have my baby in the hospital. Not having an experienced attendant for the birth seemed downright nutty and negligent.
Throughout the next 8 years, I had had 3 successful home births with an out of this world amazing midwife and her team.
My 4th child's birth was actually very scary and I lost a great deal of blood afterward. My husband and I pondered and studied out this difficult birth and how it would have differed had we been in the hospital. Much to my husband's surprise - after researching - he felt that we had made the best choice in having a home birth because of the decisions that were made regarding my care and because my midwife loved and cared about me personally - instead of worrying about legal ramifications, should something go wrong, she, was emotionally invested in giving me her highest level of care, and allowed herself to listen and obey her inspiration. She did not allow fear (which I believe is so prevalent in a hospital environment) to control her decisions.
Had I been in a hospital, a doctor, though caring and supporting, must always keep in mind the legalities of his/her situation and that can stop one from listening or doing what he/she may be instinctively led to do. I believe wholeheartedly in following a person's heart.
When I got pregnant with my sixth baby, we were living in a small Montana town and the closest midwife was a likely 2 hour drive away and I could tell by speaking to her on the phone that our personalities did not mesh well. The only other option was a hospital birth and that caused me a great deal of anxiety and fear.
I had broached the subject of having an unassisted childbirth with my husband when I had been pregnant (but then suffered a miscarriage) a year before. I knew he was reluctant, but I think that year between the two pregnancies helped him become a little more open to the idea.
As I personally pondered the ramifications of having a UC birth and what that would entail, especially if something should go wrong, I knew it had to be a spiritual journey. For me, it all boiled down to this question, "If I prayed and felt that God supported my decision to have a UC, did I trust whatever the outcome would be?" Did I really have that much faith in Him? In my relationship with Him?
I studied all kinds of books and videos about how to have a fear free birth, which leads to the safest birth situation possible. My goal was to acknowledge and accept every fear and worry that I had concerning birth and face it, make peace with it, and let it go, thereby being completely free to experience my perfect birth.
This journey was not simple or easy. It was quite the opposite, as I revisited old fears and trauma that stemmed from my other 5 children's births. Also, it is an extremely difficult thing to accept the idea of people hating me and ridiculing me should my baby die (as well as the loss itself), or just as horrific, dying myself and leaving my husband and children alone.
But it all came back to faith and that question, "If I felt He supported my decision, did I trust whatever the outcome would be?"
Click here to read about the actual birth, or here to read about how I prepared with herbs and natural aids for the labor, birth, and postpartum period, and here for the some of the books and videos I studied to prepare.
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